Mummy Whisperer Blog Has Moved

Now, you should probably not even see this post, as when you go to my site, it will automatically have moved, but just incase, I thought I’d let you know that my blog has been redesigned and moved to:

http://www.MummyWhispererBlog.com

If you ever fancy having your own blog setup or moved, then I highly recommend the gorgeous Liz Grayson, a well known mummy blogger herself, who has done many of the best known blogs (plus she is incredibly good value!):

http://violetposy.co.uk/

Please update your readers:

I have done the whole feed move bit too, but just incase you might want to double check your reader and make sure that you have the new RSS feed.  You aren’t going to want to miss the new and improved site!  There’s going to be lots more blogs, and some exciting new information!

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Pregnancy Second Time Around

Apologies for people who have read this post before.  I originally had it as a Page on my blog, but I have a big redesign of my blog coming up in the next month, and so I’m cutting down on the pages.  I wrote this over a year ago when I was pregnant with Little Dimples.

So I’m quite enjoying pregnancy 2nd time around, because it is reminding me of how things were with Curly Headed Boy, that I probably didn’t notice as I was so shocked to be pregnant.  It’s surprisingly different, with a few similarities, and so (just for me, to be honest!) I thought I’d keep a record of how it goes!

So far, the main difference is finding out about 3 weeks earlier than before.  Although, it was still a surprise as I was thinking that as I was miraculously lucky to fall pregnant last time, that I might be unlikely to manage it a 2nd time 4yrs later, and with the big FOUR ZERO approaching!  But I did think that I might try in the Autumn, once my business was more settled and I had had a BIG party and holiday.  Heh ho, this baby obviously also doesn’t think to inform me of it’s plans, like it’s big brother ;o)

This time the symptoms hit like a freight train, like all the energy in my body had been removed forever, and the all day nausea returned as a very unwelcome memory, with an added bonus of a constant upset tummy this time round.  Thankfully curly headed boy is very excited and pretty understanding, as he has been broody for a year (he’s 3.5) and told me 6 months ago to take the eggs out of the fridge, Daddy would cook them and then pop them in my tummy!

BabyNo2 prefers healthy food – how weird!  No chocolate thank you, but still partial to salt & vinegar crisps and tonic water.  Plus they must be small portions, which means I’m currently losing weight whilst pregnant, which is a novelty.  Also, whilst curly headed boy was like a lovely hot water bottle in my tummy, keeping my normally cold body warm day and night, BabyNo2 is cccccooooollllld, which means I’m freeeeeeezing!

The ‘baby brain’ appeared instantly, meaning that anything that was perfectly normal for me to remember before, like my keys, turning on the oven, or my diary, is now totally impossible for me.  Obviously my brain is focussed on growing toes and fingers and can’t manage more than that at the moment.

Hubby is walking round looking very mature and obviously feeling like a ‘real man’ as he has now created two offspring; a much greater feat than just one.  In fact his Dad announced that we would now have a ‘real family’, because obviously one child doesn’t count.

I know how the universe likes to maintain balance within a family, so I’ve spent long hours looking at the family thinking, OK, so if we are like this, what are we about to create?  If curly headed boy is read headed and fair skinned, with the performer gene ingrained into him from top to toe, are we going to get a serious little dark headed girl, who is serious and studious?  Last time I had all sorts of tragedy and stress during the pregnancy, which I can totally see created curly head.  So what will a relatively ‘normal’ (so far, touch wood) pregnancy create?  Will it mean that they are more independent from the start, not needing to be held permanently for 3 months?  Or will they miss that spark that he has?

Who knows – got over 6 months to go, so I’m sure there will be even more surprises along the route, which I’ll pop in here as I go.

Insights Into My Mums Choices

Apologies to those who have read this before, as I wrote it when I was pregnant probably over a year ago.  It used to be one of my ‘Pages’, but I’m about to have a bit redesign of my blog and one of the things I’m going to do is reduce the ‘Pages’ and make them into posts instead.

There’s no doubt about it, being in someone else’s shoes always helps to understand their choices more, even if we don’t agree with them.  But becoming a Mum has definitely given me an insight into the rather bizarre woman who was my Mum.  She once said to me ‘You’ll never be a real woman, until you become a mother’, which was a little harsh, as I had been told I couldn’t have kids at 19 ;o)  However, I understand that she is right, that there are aspects of myself that I wouldn’t have tapped into without the arrival of Max, and things I could never had understood without experiencing them.  (But I don’t agree with the ‘real woman’ concept, as I am convinced that a woman can have a fully satisfying life without children, and a dissatisfied one with children).

It’s been many years since I came to terms with my ‘interesting’ upbringing, to the stage where I totally saw why it worked for me, wouldn’t want it any different, and was even grateful for it.  But there were still things I didn’t understand about it and recently there are two insights in particular that I have gained.

1) How a Mum could became addicted to the love of her children, and manipulate the family using a ‘divide and conquer’ strategy.

2) Howcome a Mum would let child nurse her from very young, and encouraged TV watching with her most weekends, rather than going out and be healthy.

The Addiction Of Love

It is an amazing feeling to know that someone loves you so totally.  Max loves me from the top of my head, all the way to my toes, and tells me how ‘beautiful’ I am, especially with my now rather big and pregnant tummy.  I understand that as time goes on, I wont be quite so perfect, friends (already at 4yrs very important) will take pride of place, and there will be times when I’m a bit old and a bit haggard!  But luckily for me I have the confidence in myself and him, to not worry about it, and to know that he will always love me deep down, as I will him (despite shouting sometimes when I am tired and overwrought!).  So, although tempting, I haven’t fallen into the trap of encouraging him to see Mummy as better than Daddy, which is where Mum must have started.  She must then have continued to worry that there could be only so much love like that, and so she ensured that as children we didn’t bond with each other, but just with her.  Why on earth she was so concerned about this I’m not sure, the only thing that I wonder is that I know that her parents where incredibly close, and she had no siblings.  So either she felt that she was competing for love to get it from her parents, or she thought that creating a larger family herself, meant that there would be less love to go around (I have 3 brothers who are 20yrs older than me, and then I arrived as a ‘surprise’ when she was 43, which was very old in those days).

It’s only because I know what I know that I don’t fall for the temptation that she did, so if I had been a less secure person, with less training in my background, it is totally forseeable that I would have behaved in a similar way, even if slightly less as I’m sticking to 2 kids!  I can also really feel for her, because she really managed to maintain a pretty perfect image with me, until all hell let loose as my Dad died when I was 20 and I suddenly found out a great deal about what she had been doing.  So if you have ever considered encouraging your child to appreciate you more than your partner, bear in mind that she then went through 10yrs years of terrible pain, with me being extremely angry with her, which only subsided 11yrs ago as I began to train in the sort of stuff that I do now.

Using TV To Entertain Your Children

As a young child I played outside a great deal on my own, but Mum became ill very soon after my birth, and got steadily more ill with all sorts of problems like blood clotting disorders, arthritis (both types), lung disease etc etc.  So I steadily took on the role of ‘young carer’ more and more.  There was the time that I was left to nurse her at 5yrs old and had to call an ambulance, or the time just after my ‘O’ levels when I nursed her with a broken pelvis and my Dad recovering from a heart attack and a diabetic coma.  She must have been in constant pain, and as I hit teenage my time running around outside dwindled and was replaced either by school work or watching old black and white movies with her.  So why would someone let their child nurse them, rather than get help and encourage them to start an ‘unhealthy’ habit (as I got even older, there were also glasses of wine and cigarettes)?

So, I get pregnant again at 40, the first 15 weeks are terrible, I’m exhausted and feeling awful, during which time I admit that I resorted several times a week to having a bath with Max in the afternoon for a good couple of hours, to play with toys and watch TV (we’d just extended the ensuite luckily & bought one of those fab waterproof TV’s from china; dirt cheap, and I really recommend them!).  There then follows a short period of time where I’m more active.  But then ‘uncomfortable’ descends into full blown SPD (the  body is overly successful at producing relaxin for the ligaments, creating back pain, hot pokers in the hips, and pain at the top of the legs/groin).  Plus in the last couple of weeks, where the snow has hit and I’m still trying to tie up loose ends with my business & admin, I’ve had to work while Max is in the house.  So yes, I have resorted to the babysitter that is the TV, plus those fab websites for Cbeebies and NickJr.

Like Mum, I have no parents to help out (hers died when I was 10).  I’m not sure why she didn’t ask my much older brothers, but I do understand why she didn’t ask other people.   There are times when I have asked, maybe too subtly and found myself very disappointed to find I didn’t get any help.  Then there are the lovely people who I know would definitely offer, but I also know are already over-stretched themselves, so I won’t ask.  And then there is my pride ;o)  She was lonely, and holding onto her ‘last child’, and if she had encouraged me to do more healthy things, she would have been all alone with her pain.  I don’t think that you can be totally rational when in pain either, so she didn’t really think it through.

Now it’s much easier for me, there are all sorts of things available to help me get my body back into working order after No2 arrives, and I have tonnes of knowledge of my own to help out.  I also know that she never got to see her daughter’s children (she died when I was pregnant with Max), and so there is a motivation for me to get healthy and live to see my grand children.  We know a great deal more about health, fitness, nutrition, hydration and exercise now a days.  Plus, seeing someone spend the last 5yrs of their life in a wheel chair, with no dignity and extreme discomfort, is a constant reminder about health.  I may never be a mega fit person, but I do understand ‘use it or lose it’.

Do You Judge Your Mum or Other Mums?

So do you find yourself judging other Mums or even your own Mum?  If so, be careful what you judge, because you may get a chance one day to walk in their shoes and gain a greater understanding, and you might not be lucky enough to make different choices.  Or often, we go to extremes to be completely opposite from our own parents, discovering at the end of the day, that this also didn’t create the ‘ideal’ outcome that we dreamed of.

The ideal is to see that there are benefits (the old silver lining) to everything, and to balance your approaches.  So, I will continue to attempt to walk the middle road between my mother who fought to have us all to herself and my father who didn’t want to be disloyal by pointing out that he wasn’t that bad after all.  My children will have some responsibility in the house, but not to the extent that they feel it all falls on their shoulders.  And I will watch the odd film with them, and be lazy sometimes, but also go out, fly a kite and ride a bike.  And in a year or two’s time when I’m beginning to get a handle on No2’s arrival, then I exercise will become a necessity in my daily schedule, so that I can at least try my best to be still bouncing at 90.  Heh ho, wish me luck, and I wish you all the luck to.  I know that we all just want to be loved just as we are, and we all want to be the best Mums we can be.  Sometimes we’ll discover that there is a better way, but until then, we can only work with what we have.  If I love my life now, then Mum didn’t do a bad job did she?  I only hope that my children love their lives when they are 40 too.

Thanks Mum xxxx

Hows Your Underwear?

Hows your underwear doing?  Or is that too personal a question?

  • Does it fit?  Or do you have a case of the baggy pants or too tight VPL and an extra pair of boobies hanging out of the bra?
  • Would you be happy to be caught unawares by an unplanned hospital visit?  Or is it a bit skanky, tired, lost all sign of it’s original colour, with threads hanging off?

I’m in the middle of a major overhaul of my life, and house (hence been a little quiet), and the most recent has been the knicker and bra drawer.  The knickers got over worn during my pregnancy and were those extremely dull maternity ones.  I realised how dire the situation was, when recently I’ve had some extra help around the house, which sometimes entailed taking the dry washing off the line.  I suddenly realised with horror, that my underwear was not up to any kind of outside scrutiny and was a big embarrassment.  I pictured them going home to their families saying ‘you’ll never guess how bad her knickers are!’.

Now I’m not going to be sitting on my death bed thinking about unworn lingerie options.  But I might look back and wish that I had appreciated myself a little more.  I certainly feel perky when popping on my new knickers.

So hows yours?  Don’t wait until an embarrassing situation to be pushed into giving your underwear drawer a little spruce up.  It might not get seen very much, but how much care you take over the closest garments to your skin, gives a clear sign of how much care you are taking of yourself.  I know us Mums tend to go for practical, but even practical can be pretty!  Plus it could help that much illusive intimacy thing, that those of us with young kids are often worrying about rediscovering.  There appears to be loads of sales around at the moment, so a bag of pretty knickers wont break the bank.

Then comes the even worse case of the bra!  My nursing bra’s were left over from long-term breast-feeding with my son and had definitely seen much better days.  I should have bought new ones then, but I just never knew how long I was going to feed for, I just ended up much more successful at it than I had planned, for a lot longer than I had expected.  So off I popped to Marks and Spencers (mainly because they are close, and my 4month old hates the car).  I was relieved to find that they do fittings and have a choice of nursing bra’s; so whilst a kind shop assistant tried to keep my little girl sleeping by rocking the pram, another lady shepherded me and my boy into a changing room.  ’36’ she said as she measured me.  ‘Oooh, that’s fab’, I said, I thought I might have put on more weight.  “But I don’t think that this bra fits though?” I said perplexed.  “Noooo madam”, said the assistant, with that ‘oh my god, how come are so many women so blatantly unaware, but I’m going to be patient’ kind of tone of voice.  “Really, so I’m not a C cup anymore” I said?  (I was always very proud of my growth from a B to a C cup due to breastfeeding my boy, I’m one of the lucky ones who keeps it afterwards).  “No, your an E” she said.  “WOW”!!!  So I’m now the proud owner of two 36E bras, breastfeeding rocks!!!  (Ok I know I’m meant to concentrate on all the wonderous blah, blah, blah things about breastfeeding; but my head is just concentrating on WOW).  So learn from my mistake and get yourself measured.  Your boobies will feel appreciated, and mine look a hell of a lot better in a bra that fits.

I have one complaint though.  I then went off online to get another couple of bra’s as M&S only had one pack of two that I liked.  Apparently 36E is difficult to find, and loads of the websites don’t have a useful option to limit your search straight away, so it takes ages to find ones you like and then see if they have the size.  Now apart from the obvious ones like figleaves and bravissimo, the websites were awful and a lot of the choice was just plain old frumpy.  No wonder my originals were frankly unimaginative.  So to maternity/nursing websites out there, here is a little plea.  Remember we are women, and we generally feel better when we are dressed as such, rather than as plain old frumps.  Plus, we are knackered, and frazzled, so your website with small text, rubbish pictures, and terrible search options will put us off immediately!

Right I’m off to admire my breasts.  Cross your fingers for me that I keep them this time as well!

Hints and Tips Pregnancy

These hints and tips are just things that worked for me, so I thought I would share them just incase they work for someone else, please share them with anyone you know who is pregnant.  Now obviously it is always wise to check with your health professional about any of the supplements and vitamins that I talk about below, as I am not a specialist, just a Mum.

Because I had turned 40 while I was pregnant I was a great deal more focussed on my health.  I was much more vigilant on taking Pregnacare (vitamins specially formulated for pregnant or nursing mothers) extra, which includes Omega3 tablets as well.  I also took a liquid Iron supplement called Spatone for a while (liquid iron doesn’t tend to constipate you like the pills do).  Then when I got more tired I replaced Spatone with Floradix, which is a liquid iron and mineral supplement; much more effective, but also more expensive.  Ironically, I had to be much more healthy this time because unlike the chocolate & crisps I existed on in my first pregnancy (the only thing I fancied when feeling sick every day for 9 months), I only felt well when eating very small portions of healthy food.  The outcome was that within 2 weeks of ‘little pink’ being born, I had lost all my pregnancy weight; but don’t start getting jealous, because I do have the weight from pregnancy no1 still ;o)  ‘Little pink’ also came out nearly 3lbs heavier than ‘monster/angel boy’ and appeared a great deal stronger.  Of course, these outcomes could be nothing to do with my strategies, but hey, it’s possible and I do think that it’s worth remembering that diets are a no-no when pregnant, but you aren’t actually eating for two full sized people when pregnant either!

One thing I didn’t get to do as much of as in pregnancy No1 was exercise, because there just isn’t the time for it.  I was worried, but afterwards realised that just being a Mum of a 4yr old was enough, even with the onset of SPD (hip and pelvis pain due to the body releasing too much relaxin) which meant I wasn’t very active.  But that didn’t seem to cause problems with the birth.

I was really focussed on tieing up lose strings with my two businesses when I was pregnant, so I didn’t do a great deal of preparation.  Then I suddenly realised that if I had wanted to do ‘Hypnobirthing’ that I hadn’t left myself with enough time to do it.  When I looked into it more deeply, I realised it probably wasn’t for me anyway, as due to my training I have heard too many hypno/meditation audios with ping pong music and sickly sweet voices (no disrespect to them, just not my cup of tea).  But I did need something, and having found a scottish guy called ** Andrew Johnson who creates hypnotherapy iphone apps and downloadable audios.  One of my mummy blogger mates introduced me to him on Twitter and I was lucky enough to get to beta test his pregnancy app.  I can therefore definitely recommend his Relax, Sleep and Pregnancy Apps/Audios as I slept brilliantly in the last 2 months of pregnancy (normally very difficult) and was very relaxed in the build up towards the birth.  Of course he has an unfair advantage with the scottish accent, which is naturally relaxing, and I can’t really give an in depth analysis of his hypnosis techniques as I’m pretty much asleep nowadays on his first couple of words.  This is pretty amazing, as I’ve never been the best sleeper, had loads of pain from SPD in my pregancy, and used to find it really difficult to sleep when I’d been woken frequently by a baby.

I was also really lucky to find a Doula a couple of months before the end of my pregnancy, which was cutting it a bit fine if baby had come early!  She also had a pool, which was great as I found them difficult to find.  I thoroughly recommend a Doula if you can afford one, or look for a Doula in training if you are short on cash.  This would be a great use of the cash that you (currently) get from the government near the end of your pregnancy.  If you live near me, then check out Herts Doulas.

Apart from that I didn’t do much preparation, not just because it was my second, but also because you can order pretty much anything online nowadays.  Some big shops have slow delivery times, but ebay and amazon are really quick.  You don’t even have to panic about buying nursery furniture to be honest, because you might end up with kids like mine who never use it (p.s. Ikea nursery furniture tends to be the most reasonably priced, everything else seems to be at a premium).  It really doesn’t need to cost loads to have a baby, you don’t even need to buy an expensive pram as slings are often preferred by little ones.

Here is my Hospital Bag list, which was also for use after the birth if at home:

  • Birthplan, Antibacterial wipes, Energy drink and snack, iphone speakers
  • For baby: 2 vests, 2 allinones, cardigan, hat, gloves, blanket, newborn nappies, cotton wool & wipes
  • For me: Face cleaner wipes, moisturiser, tinted moisturiser, shampoo, shower gel, toothbrush & paste, maternity pads & throw away knickers, 2 nightshirts, 1 long sleeve shirt, 1 pair of trousers, 1 pair flat shoes, 1 bra and knickers, cardigan.

Here is the list of what I was told I needed in addition for a home birth:

  • Waterproof covers (from DIY store), torch, small table, kitchen roll, pampers changing mat (put under seat in loo to deliver placenta into), lots of old towels, bucket.  My Doula provided the pool and homeopathy kit.

This was my list of what to do when things kicked off and I either had regular contractions or my waters broke (I didn’t have to find babysitters for Monster/Angel boy as I was going to have a Doula with me and hubby was looking after the dogs and my son:

  1. Phone Husband if he is at work, plus Mums available to pick up Max from nursery (not necessary thankfully!)
  2. Phone Doula
  3. Start Filling Pool and put on immersion heater just in case.
  4. Phone Delivery Suite
  5. Cancel cleaner
  6. Make sure room warm and baby towel & clothes are on radiator to warm up.
  7. Put on music/tv

The biggest tip I can give you is to take care of yourself.  I know that you will feel guilty if there are things that you are not able to do, but it’s only a while, and it’s worth knowing that you did everything possible to keep yourself and your baby healthy.  Here is a link to my other blog on the birth, incase you fancy knowing how it turned out in comparison to birth no1, which was incredibly different.  Hope these tips are useful, good luck with everything!

** I have just become an affiliate for Andrew Johnson, mainly because I’m likely to recommend him lots and it seems daft not to!  However, I don’t expect it to be massively lucrative, as most of you will be buying iphone apps, rather than downloading the audios, and I’m pretty sure there is no way of tracking those ;o)

Some Pictures To Inspire You To Remember To Ask For Help

I realised something last week, which is that sometimes we actually have to bite the bullet and ask for help.  This might seem obvious for some people, but it’s been quite a new concept for me; so, I’ve spent the last 10 days very sick and finding all sorts of different ways of asking for help, and do you know what, it’s not so bad.  so I thought I’d post some pictures to inspire you to ask for help too.

If you feel guilty about asking for help, look at it from your family and the people you ask’s point of view.  Your family just want you happy and being yourself.  The people you ask will either earn money, or feel that they are worth something, because they have been asked.

When the in laws came to help out, it was brilliant for their bond with the kids.  My 4yr old son and his granddad really bonded, with his granddad appearing to come alive and become really fun.  Meanwhile, my baby girl was very comfy and secure on her grandma’s shoulder.  Grandparents are important to children, and it’s even more important that they themselves understand this, because it gives them a reason to be.  It might have been tiring for them, but having a ‘reason to be’, keeps us going, gives us purpose, and boosts our health.  They probably hadn’t realised until now how important they still are to the growing family.  Memories were created over the last couple of weeks, that will stay with my kids forever, thats a great thing and worth getting sick for.

So if it’s a family problem hows about asking a friend/ neighbour/ relative?  Is there someone you have helped in the past, who is really keen to get the opportunity to help back?  Is there an online forum or community that can give you some info?  There are many specialists out there on the net, who are happy to give quick and free help.  You can pay for help or for people training up e.g. there are Au Pairs, Au Pair Plus (older, more experienced, do more cleaning), Mothers Helps, Nannies, Child Minders, Day Nurseries, Cleaners, Dog Walkers.  There are even alternative and medical options, just to help you get through the day.

For instance, I’ve been complaining that I couldn’t find anyone to help out with the last couple of hours of the day (see previous post about feeling guilty about asking for help), but I wasn’t actually asking, because I hadn’t actually put an advert anywhere.  It seems I was weirdly expecting them to appear, just because I had thought about it, doh!  Now I’m inundated with options.

When the inlaws left, we asked a girl called Victoria to come and help us tidy the house.  She’d interviewed for the job as a part-time mothers help, which we sadly probably can’t give her, but she did get a generous bonus for coming at short notice.  Even better was that when my baby girl cried, she took one look at me (looking very lumpy and sick), and took her off me, popping her on her back: a truly amazing and lovely girl!  Look at this picture of Willow happily asleep, just gorgeous.

I’ve asked for advice on facebook and got over 40 comments, some incredibly comprehensive and time consuming for the people who filled them in.  Now people love to give advice, but they often give it inappropriately, especially in my business, as us healer/coach/therapist types tend to get very enthusiastic and want to share all our knowledge with the whole world.  But this was definitely a chance for extremely well received and appreciated information.

Asking for help has shown me how lucky I am, in my friends, family, resources, connections; just everywhere.  There are downsides or costs to everything, but if you think it through beforehand, you can manage them all.  You won’t always get the response that you hoped for, so do try asking without expecting the ‘ideal’ response, and remember that you can always ask again or ask someone else.  If I hadn’t have asked for help, I would definitely be sicker, and possibly in hospital as the only real fix has been lieing down.  Now the cost of a showing a bit of vulnerability, paying some money, and learning how to ask for the simplest things to be done for me, has paid off.

So don’t feel guilty about asking for help.  Think about the people you ask and your family will gain from it.  As they say ‘If you don’t ask, you don’t get’; so this isn’t rocket science, but I thought I would share anyway!

(p.s. remember to say ‘thank you’ though, and look for times to reciprocate in the future, otherwise, you might not get such helpful responses another time).

Have You Remembered To Ask Yourself?

When in the midst of attempting to make a decision or solve a problem there are a number of things that we often do:

  1. Worry & Panic!
  2. Ask Friends for advice
  3. Ask So called Specialists/Guru’s for advice
  4. Research ideas in books or the internet

But something we often forget to do is ask ourselves!  Do you know what, we are quite wise really, and one of the reasons why it is often a good idea to ask yourself, is because you are really the only person who knows you, your situation and the surrounding issues intimately.  I love a bit of brainstorming in order to sort the facts in my brain.  But ultimately, actually remembering to ask myself what I would say to me if I was a friend/client in the same situation is the beginnings of discovering a solution.

The wisest people balance learning from both outside sources and themselves.  Only listening to your own counsel would mean that you will happily ignore any concepts that are a little uncomfortable for you.  Plus there is no way that anyone can know every possible fact or option!  But only listening to other people, means that you are disempowering yourself and not believing in yourself.  So what you are looking for is a little bit of both as an ideal balance.

Now sometimes I know we literally can’t hear ourselves think, because of all the brain noise in our heads. If that is your current problem, have a quick look through my blogs, because the whole reason for the ‘Mummy whisperer’ is to help you clear all that noise, and I may have blogged already on your current issue, or something similar.  Meanwhile, find a pragmatic (grounded, down to earth & practical) friend, who will help you get a reality check on your fears and guilts.  I’d recommend avoiding the sympathetic ones, because although we need a little bit of support sometimes, it doesn’t tend to actually get us out of the pit we dug ourselves.

Or is it because you can’t see an option which works for you and your family?  Then quite likely you are in one of those situations where more time is needed, because you just don’t have all the necessary information yet.  Check out my blogs about decision making, because they may help you on how to identify the missing information.

So, what would you tell yourself today if you had a chance to chat to yourself?

If I was talking to myself today (whilst awaiting the arrival of No2), I would say:

– Have a cuppa and a cake, whilst enjoying watch some more back issues of ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’.  But remember to drink lots of water as well.

– Don’t worry about all the well meaning ‘has she arrived yet’ messages – that doesn’t translate to ‘FFS don’t you know your own body well enough to know whether she is coming or not’!

– She just wants to make an grand entrance, plus after all the noise at that chaos/mayhem called a 4yr old’s soft play party at the weekend, she probably thought she was safer staying inside for a bit longer ;o)

– If your instinct is to stay in, be quiet and be a hermit for a while, then go for it; This is probably the last time you will have a baby in your tummy again or a chance to rest for about 4yrs, so try to make the most of it.