Never discount a chance meeting, it might get you on radio!

I know that we all have busy lives and so logically we will often not bother to chat to or make friends with people in a situation that doesn’t obviously make sense.  But if you are open to it, there are sometimes magical things that will come out of it.  For example, you might really get on well with a Mum when waiting at the school gates, but her child isn’t in the same class, or you find out that someone is moving, so it seems wasteful to spend time on them.  I’m going to tell you a story about how sometimes just following your heart can really work out.

Many years ago (must be about 10), in my very ‘new age’ stage, I attended an ‘animal communication’ course by Amelia Kincade.  I was a Reiki Master (a type of simple hands on healing), and really fancied concentrating on animals.  However, I quickly discovered that it was not my forte!  I think that the most exciting thing I managed to ‘hear’ was something about a blue bowl.  I met some lovely people and one of them mistakenly emailed me afterwards thinking I was a different Lisa.  So we kept in touch on and off over the years, and I think I wrote something for her when she set up a newspaper in London, even though we actually had no idea what we each looked like as it had initially been a case of mistaken identity.  In the meantime I’d gone on to study with my mentor Dr John Demartini, who helped me to combine my tree hugging side with the computer programmer scientific side.  At his first ever UK event in 2007 I heard there was a Francesca helping out with the promotion and so I wandered up and introduced myself to her, and from there a lovely friendship blossomed.

Francesca and I continued to ‘break the rules’.  So when she started up a networking event for key members of a new online community, she invited me, even though that meant bringing my toddler with me.  There we all were, seriously discussing missions and all sorts of other blah blah stuff, with curly headed boy joining in and wandering in between everybody’s legs.  He called Francesca ‘sparkly lady’ because she always wore sparkly clothes or a sparkly necklace, and fell in love with her brother-in-law who has the same rock star red curly shoulder length hair and showed him how to play his guitar.

I get 15 minutes some mornings to make phone calls enroute back from the school run as Little Dimples stays at home with the little irish granny I have adopted, so a couple of weeks ago I put a pile of names in my favourite’s list as a treat to call and Francesca was at the top of my list.  So, we’re catching up about everything we are doing, and she mentions that she has just started co-hosting an internet radio show on Wednesday’s which is all about ‘Creating our own reality’, and within minutes I was invited on.

So yesterday morning, a chance meeting on a very new agey course had me doing my very first ever radio interview.  I was pretty scared, but apparently I sound really calm.  Must have been Carl’s meditation that I was listening too as I was having problems with logging on that kept me calm!  I really recommend their show, as Carl and Francesca are not your typical new agers, and they have great ideas to share with a huge dose of sense of humour.

Here’s the URL if you fancy listening to my show:  BarefootBroadcaster.  I talked about all sorts of things, and they’ve asked me back, so I’m really chuffed.  They particularly wanted to focus on how we ‘create our own reality’, and we’re keen to hear how I’d gone from being told I was ‘barren’ at 19, to having 2 kids at 41.  So we chatted about that, and about not pushing to achieve your goals, but using a more intuitive or heart led approach.  Carl was also really interested in the fact that I do baby signing with the kids, which reminded me that I really must blog about that soon, as Little Dimples has just started the classes and is loving it.  We finished off on something that I am very passionate about, which is how as parents we can help our kids to know who they are from the start, rather than have to wait until they are 30, 40 or 50 to have a clue.

So, don’t get all freaky about keeping in touch with everyone you ever meet.  But remember that sometimes it’s worth it, because there are special people out there who don’t quite ‘fit with the plan’ or logic of life, but we feel drawn to them.  I’ve seen lots of mums in the mornings (me too sometimes), not even noticing that there are Mums in different classes.  In fact, they are so unaware, they walk through Curly Headed Boy’s line as the kids are walking into the class room.  It won’t do the kids any harm to keep looking out of the box and noticing other kids in the play ground, so there’s always space for us to do the same.

Right, off to write a post for next week, as it’s half term, so I wont get time then.

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Help, Am I Deluded?

I’ve met my fair share of coach/therapist/healer types who were extremely deluded about either their grandiose plans, their skills or their market actually wanting them. There have also been a fair amount if people with a great deal less training and experience than me, who were a load better at marketing and therefore a hell of a lot more financially successful. So the question is, am I deluded too, or is it just a matter of my marketing skills needing a polish?

The thing is, I’ve spent nearly 11yrs in this business in one form or another, and although I’ve enjoyed it, and it’s enriched my life with less stress, 2 miracle kids, a lasting relationship and a feeling of contentment, it hasn’t done so financially. I’ve got to ‘that time’, it’s ‘make or break’. I’ve decided to focus on mums as it is a subject close to my heart. I’ve got a fab new way of doing my coaching online, which makes it more accessible and affordable for mums. Lastly, I’ve signed up for a ‘bootcamp’ to help me launch my new product. But is it doomed to failure, because no one wants it or me?

Let’s back track a bit. When I became a mum, I realised that the training I had received was brilliant, and saved me many hours of angst. But it was also inappropriate for a mums time and resource limitations, so I created the mummy whisperer program. I saw all these mums talking/blogging about losing their identity, having problems with conflict or lack of communication in their families, and getting stressed out because they thought they/their kids/partners/life should be different. My thought process was that they ‘needed’ all these things I could do to help them be more contented with their lives and grow strong families. But, do mums really want it? That is, it might sound nice, and a few might sign up, but are there enough who REALLY want it? And would they want me? And would they pay enough to make them appreciate it and give me a fair level of earnings?

Apparently, I am meant to focus on a smaller niche than just mums, one where I have experience, credibility and contacts. The idea is if I focus on a niche, my message will be clearer and will get more mums signing up. So that has made me decide to focus on mums with kids starting nursery or school. Not new mums of babies, because my longer term plan is to provide them with a book, and not mums of teens because I don’t have teenagers yet. But if there is a market, the next question I’m facing is wether I need to cut it down even smaller to: working mums, work from home mums, or stay at home mums. Now I reckon that my program would help them all, especially as they all face guilt and work/life/rest/play balance in some way shape or form. But I can also see several potential problems, especially that working mums don’t have enough time left over to make their lives easier, and SAHM’s wouldn’t want to spend the money on themselves. By creating a program that can be worked through online, I was hoping that mums could fit it into their lives more easily, and by giving a payment option over 3 months with a 14 day free trial it would make it more affordable. But that might not be enough, or is that where marketing comes in?

There is an even bigger problem as well! What I’m offering is a way for a mum to be more sure of themselves and listen to their own natural instinct and knowledge of their family, instead of a one-size fits all parenting technique. But do mums want an answer tailored to their own family, which leaves them in the driving seat, or would they prefer to be told what to do according to a set of rules, even if it’s pretty much impossible to create? If there are mums who like the idea of what I offer, does that mean that they are already going that way and so don’t need my help?

In the past I have specialised in mental health issues, relationship problems and small business owners. Perhaps a mum facing the loss of her marriage, mental health or business would be more likely to ask for help. But if that is the case, then I’m going to have to take more time off work, because I don’t currently have the time to support these more extreme demands; I was planning on tackling them later.

What do you reckon? I’d really appreciate any feedback (be gentle please!; so I’m going to offer a copy of my book ‘getting the hang of gratitude’ to one of the people who leave a comment (I’ll use some random fair way of selecting!).

It’s All Change On The Western Front

It’s been a weird 6 months, I appear to have been in mega ‘declutter your life’ mode.  You would have thought that giving birth to little dimples, and curly headed boy going to primary school would have been enough really, plus getting really sick.  But I appear to have been on a mission.

Maybe it’s because now I have two kids, there really isn’t any space for anything that is irrelevant or takes up time/space I can’t afford?  Did anyone else find a similar thing happened to them after having a second child?

I’m also much more aware of my age (41), and am having no problem in remembering to eat healthily or take vitamins and minerals that I probably wouldn’t have been reliable about beforehand.  I realised that if I’m to see my grandchildren, then some serious work needs to be done to get it into working order.  Perhaps it’s a big reality check that happens in your forties?

Or is it because it’s my ‘saturn return’ in astrological terms or ‘mid-life crisis’ in psychobabble terms?  My lovely astrologer (seriously, if you ever wanted to try it, he’s a lovely guy, brilliant value, very good at it and it doesn’t matter where you live) did say that it was hitting me this year.

I’ve found a wonderful woman locally who will take all the stuff  you just haven’t managed to get round to selling on ebay and do it for you (if you near St Albans and want her name, feel free to leave a comment below).  Although she takes a fee, I reckon that she makes more on the sale anyway, so it’s well worth it.  She took a car load, plus sold a bike and a dog kennel that got picked up from our home.  Then even better was the discovery of freegle (used to be called freecyle), which is a yahoo group where you can offer ANYTHING for free and within 24hrs it’s gone; FANTASTIC!

We had a flood from the shower, so downstairs is going to be refloored (we have holes in the floor from the dog scratching) and the walls painted in industrial child proof stuff!  So the house is getting a make over too.

I even in a fit of madness went from this, to this (plus yesterday I had all the grey dyed out!):

Meanwhile big northern hairy hubby is also at it, with a sudden fitness regime and a success at losing weight that he hasn’t had in 10yrs.  I think that we would both admit that our relationship needs a bit of polishing after all these years (21, how scary!), so there is change afoot there too.

The biggest change came as I decided what to do about my work.  I found it increasingly hard to work out how things would work with the second baby.  Now that I’m just focussing on Mums and am just overseeing my more general therapy business, it was easier, but also I realised that coordinating our schedules was almost impossible.  Plus for Mums I really needed to be able to provide incredible value for service for a really affordable price, but without making it pointless me working.  I was seriously considering just giving up work.  After all, I could be a stay at home mum (SAHM), and in the time I would normally work, I could get fit, look fab, and then when the kids leave school I’ll be about 60, so pretty much ready to retire.  There would be a hell of a lot less juggling to do.  But there would of course be the downside that I lose my sparkle when I don’t work at all, so I might look better, but I wouldn’t be much fun.

By the way, you might not know what I actually do?  I’ve updated by about page and background, just incase you are interested as to where I came from, and what my qualifications are.  But basically, I’m not a parenting coach.  I call myself a ‘mummy whisperer’, because I’m just here to help the mum to be clear on who they are, become more contented, get more sparkle in their lives, and create a strong family with less conflict and stress.  (There’s lots more information on this blog about the ‘fun creation equation‘ and my services, plus on my main site).

Then out of the blue I found my solution!  It’s so exciting, I’ve kept quiet about it all summer, because I wanted to show you what it would look like before I mentioned it.  I’ve found a way, that I can provide help for Mums ANYWHERE, at ANY TIME of the day, 24×7, ANY DAY of the week, for ANY LENGTH of time.  Plus the amount of stuff I’ve put in the package is well worth about £7000, but I can sell it from £379, with the option to pay by paypal/credit card over 3 months, so it is really affordable.  Plus, it will be there for the Mums FOREVER, to reuse over and over again, for that one price.  Plus, for anyone who can’t afford it initially, I’ve got a FREE INTRODUCTION, and will be adding a £27 product to help people sort out their finances.  It’s way better than just 1to1’s because all the information is there to be referred back to at any time, and better than workshops, because no one can slip through the cracks and pretend that they understand. (Please forgive me for the shouting in capitals, but I’ve been keeping quiet about this all summer, so I’m kind of over-excited!!).

‘So what on earth is it?’, I hear you ask (hopefully?!).  It’s using a product called **jigsawbox, funnily enough created by another Mum who must have been in the same situation as me.  It means that I can put my workbooks or workshops online into packages.  When you login, there will be different modules, inside of which will be videos, audios, and text explaining that particular subject.  Then to help you learn it properly there are exercises for you to fill out.  But the best bit is, when you press [send to coach], I can then add my own feedback, so we can interact online.  There will also be the option for free webinars, or to add 15min skype chats or longer 1to1 sessions for some Mums who need more assistance (for example, if there are relationship issues, PND, or past abusive relationships).

Now I haven’t done a video to show you properly yet, but I will do, so keep a look out for it.  But in the meantime, you can get a free introduction to this fab system, plus start to have a look at your own identity and how your family is working at the moment, by signing up for free email list (see RHS).  I’d love to know what you think, so please do leave comments below.

So how come has all this come about?  Well, it might sound a bit tree hugging, but I’m sure there is a vibe of change in the air.  I was too late to get involved in *** Josie’s (a well known mummy bloggerwriting workshop about change last week, but there seems to be a lot of it about.  It’s the jewish new year, and schools always start at this time of the year, so maybe we are all programmed to be thinking about it around now.  There are days when it feels exciting, and others when it feels very scary, and almost like I’m grieving for something being over.  I cried buckets on the last night of big brother, and when curly headed boy started school, but in a way they were just opportunities for a few tears to do with something deeper.  As my mentor says ‘the greatest transformation happens at the border of order and chaos’, i.e. nothing gets changed without some discomfort!  So onwards and upwards, one step at a time, is my motto at the moment.

Is life changing for you too, or is it just those of us in the mid-life crisis?

** I am now an affiliate of jigsawbox as well; of course, because I think it is fab, I want to share it with other coaches/therapist/trainers out there.  If you decide you like it after hearing from me, feel free to email me for more info, and I’d really appreciate you using my affiliate link.  I haven’t found anything else that even matches it a little, it has been going for over a year, so the kinks have been sorted out, and there is tonnes of support.

*** Josie is one of the 3 mummy bloggers who recently went to bangladesh with Save the Children, and have started a Press for Change campaign to push Nick Clegg to commit to making the huge rates of child mortality in third world countries a thing of the past.

Handing Your Child Over To Strangers

It’s against everything we’ve ever been told not to do, and everything that a Mother feels is right.  But there we all are, handing our children over to someone we’ve hardly met.

The only reason I have met Curly Headed Boy’s new primary school teacher is because her son was at his nursery in a younger class, but it’s only been a fleeting ‘hello’.  We have no idea what they do all day, apart from the fact that we have provided them with a packed lunch and snack (no hot dinners available, because the council won’t let them build a dining room, arrrgh!).  So far, there is no class list and no time table.  There was a letter inviting us to a 30min meeting next week, where I assume that some of this will be dealt with, and an evening get-together the week after (very difficult to go to when you have a young baby).  So we are meant to be patient parents and wait.  I suspect that if we ask beforehand, we will be considered ‘one of those parents’, and labelled as difficult.

But seriously, where is the respect?  For us as parents, handing over our kids, and for our kids?  Yesterday, in the distance I saw the last child literally being picked up screaming and kicking by a teacher and dragged into class.  I so felt for his Mum, it made me want to cry, god knows what she felt like.  Surely it doesn’t have to be like that with a little more forethought?  No one likes walking into a situation where they don’t know what the hell is going on.  I have no idea whether curly headed boy will end up academically bright, but I am a bit freaky in that I talk to him like a normal human being, so he is used to being told what’s going on and being treated like someone with some rights (not too many of course!!).

Now I see why I was so upset the other day, this school is not matching my values at the moment.  However, then realism sets in.  The whole process of finding a school last year was a nightmare, and in the end he might not have ended up at the one I would have picked that was less traditional, he is very happy to be walking in with so many friends.  Thank god for that, as curly headed boy has 3 mates in his class and I reckon another 10 in the other 2 classes.  Friends are extremely high on his priorities, so this is definitely better than one of the private options I looked at, and both potential state options (our state schools locally are bad, so as we had a choice, we chose not to go for them).

So, I’ll suck it up, wait patiently until next week, and then if by then I don’t have more information I’ll kick off.  But at some point, I think it is only fair to mention that if other schools managed to send out class lists in the summer holidays so that kids could meet, and they are already getting ‘parent mail’ by text/email, then clearly this school is not showing that it values keeping us in the loop or reducing the anxiety of the kids.  They need to be aware of the fact that they compete heavily with a local boys school that doesn’t take kids until next year.  I have NEVER considered it as an option before, but today I’m wondering whether it might not hurt to go and have a look.  In this time of recession it is wise for all of us to remember to consider how our clients/customers feel and reconsider a position of arrogance/strength that could easily disappear.  More updates next week, arggh!

Your Kids Are All As Great As Each Other

So one of the biggest worries for some Mums is whether their child is doing Ok in comparison to other children around them.  Meanwhile, other Mums are full of the fact that they think that their child is better than everyone around them.

But neither of these is possible, and over a number of blogs I hope to show you that all your kids are AS GREAT, but NOT BETTER than each other.

First a story!  I was on holiday, and Max (3yrs) was wandering around the dance floor, chatting to the other kids and investigating the snake, spider (uuurgggh), lizard and skunk that the family entertainer had brought in.  A lovely Mum next to me turned round and said ‘Oh how lovely, your son is so confident.  I look at my little boy who always holds himself back, and worry that he really is a tortured soul’.  I looked at this caring, worried mother and said ‘But does your little boy sleep’?  ‘Oh yes, I’m really lucky, he has always slept through the night, from a very young little boy’.  My answer was ‘Well, Max hasn’t slept through the night in 3yrs, so now which one is the tortured little boy’?

All our kids will be mature, agile, clever, gorgeous etc somewhere.  Just not in the same places.  But if you add up all the places that they are ‘agile’ i.e. quick and secure in getting around, you will find that your child is as ‘agile’ as the next child.  Perhaps more in maths or reading, than on the climbing frame.  Or is your child really well behaved when out in social situations, in comparison to the other child who is considered really ‘mature for his age’, but hates a restaurant.  Maybe their child is a few cm’s taller, but your child gets seen where ever they go because of their sunny disposition?

It’s wise to see your child clearly, as a lovely creature who has both things that they are brilliant and terrible at.  If you worry too much, then you are not seeing both their wonderfulness and you are wasting time and energy.  If you are proudly thinking that you child is better at everything, than others, then you will find a big and rather nasty surprise oneday, when you realise you were ignoring and not helping one of their weaker areas.

A child (just like us adults), just wants to be loved as we are.  Not despite are ‘bad’ bits, but with them.  So love them as they are, and don’t worry about how they compare.  Because if you did a fair (and well investigated) comparison, you would see that they are all perfectly imperfect.

Even Kids Need a Purpose

I wrote this a year or so ago –

I was watching my little 2 and a bit year old today filling the washing basket full of washing to be cleaned, and realised that the same truths for adults apply to babies, toddlers and children. 

We all need a ‘Purpose’. When we feel ‘purposeful’, we feel a sense of confidence and settlement with our lives, which spreads out into all other areas of life. 

So if you find your little one appears to be going through a dissatisfied period, one tip is to see if they have a ‘place’ in the family, a little responsibility, something to feel they are contributing to the world with. Maybe it is stirring a pot of dry pasta while you cook, so that they are included, or maybe they like to feed the dogs, or maybe empty and fill the washing machine. Max loves to ‘rescue’ people in trouble with hugs – he loves to pretend he is a superhero like ‘Sportacus’! He is rubbish at spreading butter on bread, but really enjoys doing it ;o) So it can be a made up purpose, anything that suits them and what they love to do.

It is amazing what a child can be responsible for, and undoubtedly there is a balance to maintain to ensure that they do not become overwhelmed with adult type worries. However, if there is no choice, and your child becomes one of those young carers, do not worry. They will regain their childhood at a later time, because nothing is ever lost forever. Plus, it will definitely teach them skills which they will be able to use at a later date.

Looking at my childhood, I would not be the same, and loving my life so much if I hadn’t been left with my very sick Mum at 5yrs old, and worked out how to call an ambulance when she collapsed. Later, I expanded to running the whole household at 10 when she had one of her numerous trips to hospital. Ironically, the hardest time was as a teenager when I was nursing my parents just after my ‘O’ levels – that was when I started to rebel and suggest they get a nurse so that I could go party! But do not fear for my ‘lost’ childhood, in my case I regained some of it in my 20’s, and the rest is steadily returning with the arrival of Max, my little boy.

If you would prefer to not include your little ones in the household tasks because it takes 3 times longer, just think of the potential downside of them not being included; In a few years you might be regretting that choice when they refuse! I did just that, when my Mum returned from hospital and kicked me out of the kitchen at 10yrs old – I vowed strongly to never cook again, and the power of that belief turned me from a 10yr old who could cook a full roast dinner, to someone who struggles with scrambled egg! I know many a 16 yr old who appears to be incapable of doing their own washing, or using the dish washer.

If you think that a baby doesn’t have a purpose, then I’m not so sure. Max was never happier than when he was making me learn to ‘Be’, by spending hours being cuddled on my lap. Maybe your baby’s greatest purpose is to teach you about yourself by giving you strong hints as to what makes them feel contented or loudly dissatisfied?

What do you think? Need any hints on finding a purpose for your family members? Let me know, I would love to hear your thoughts.