I thought it might be useful to summarise all the concepts that I have covered in my Bullying Blogs for you guys. (See my other blogs for the background information for these):
1) Everyone is a Bully, just as much as each other
2) Bullying can not be destroyed, so trying to remove it, will just move it to more subtle or difficult places to monitor.
3) The objective instead is to understand and appreciate the bullying, so that it can be generally spread throughout your children’s lives, versus coming in a focussed way from one direction.
4) Bullying is attracted or created by the balance of support/challenge, ease/difficulty in your child’s life i.e. where things are going the way they would like and where they are not.
5) Everyone is both liked and disliked to an equal degree, it is impossible to be liked by everyone, but also more comfortingly we will never be disliked by everyone either!
6) The ‘bullied’ child will gain benefits from being bullied, and if we can help them understand, appreciate and learn from this and the concepts above, then they do not need to feel victimised & powerless.
7) The ‘bullying’ child also requires some assistance (although I’m not against consequences and punishment either), as the reason that they are ‘bullying’ is to gain a supportive/enjoyable experience in order to deal with something else in their lives that they are finding challenging.
8) An example of what the ‘Bullied’ child can gain from the experience is to learn to stand up for themselves, or to mix with other children who might be a ‘better influence’ or more suitable for them.
9) An example of why a ‘Bullying’ child does it, is because they need Power, Freedom, Belonging or Fun, i.e. they feel powerless at home due to under-dominating parents, or have lack of choice due to dominating parents, or are insecure about belong loved or belonging, or are bored.
10) The ‘Bully’ is not ‘horrid’ or ‘evil’ and the ‘Bullied’ is not an ‘angel’. Thinking of them like that will cloud the issues and stop them from being resolved.
Now, if any of this pushes some buttons (and I would totally understand if it does, as bullying is a very emotional subject), please read my other blogs before jumping to conclusions. I’m not just saying all this for no apparent reason and with no background. It has come from 10yrs of studying, a 40yr lifetime of experience, plus being a Mum myself. So bear with me, I’m attempting to help us all resolve the growing problems of bullying in the UK ;o)
Coming soon – a quick summary of how to tackle the situation of a bullied or bullying child.